My Perspective

I find myself sitting in my room... and listening... to all the sounds that make up my world. I can hear the steady beating of the hammer from the basement. (My husband is determined to build an entirely different house down there, and I spend my time wondering who is going to clean all this new "space" being created.) I can hear my oldest darling son... and he's talking.. to no one in particular.. about computers, and legos and occasionally he stops.. to get a breath.. and then continues.. My youngest is making sounds of silliness. Some sort of game he made up, with a full cast of imaginary characters.. and there is the sound of silly, and a touch of crazy coming from his direction tonight.. I listen and realize.. These are special days. These are Moments. The kids will eventually grow and I will eventually return to sanity (hopefully) and the Mister will finish one empire and then start on another. The boys will grow and they will be amazing.. in EVERY way. I will do my best to ruin them for whatever girls may come along. Because, afterall that's my job!

     I talk a LOT, but I find myself listening too.. there is a certain ring to a child's voice or a certain pitch in a mothers tone.. ESPECIALLY when we have been pushed too far!

Sometimes when we listen..though, we hear things. Things that are not really directed at us. but MEANT for us. (That may not make sense but go with me here) I was sitting in my favorite salon the other day.. waiting for girlie things and the sounds of hairdryers and beloved styling tools. A woman came in and asked her stylist to "Please cut my hair VERY short" Now, apparently this stylist has been with her for sometime and she reacted with " Nooooo, you have been working so hard to grow it all out" and the woman.. in a very calm still voice said " I have cancer, it's all going to fall out, I would prefer it be short when it happens."  In that moment, all the rough edges of stress for the day faded away. I didn't hear pity, but through my averted downward "OMG, I have nothing to complain about ever" stare at the floor and through my tears that come unwelcome (crying in public is sooo NOT my thing) .. I heard PERSPECTIVE.  And.. that's what I really needed to hear for the day, week, year. Happy New Year Ya'll. I hope it's the very best one yet to all whom I love and adore. :)

Love, actually

This is the season of one of my very favorite movies. "Love, Actually" Sooo... I got to thinkin...

    To love someone. To really love someone, makes you care about the dumbest things. I worried that the boys were cold yesterday, that I hadn't sent the right jackets. I worry that the boys need to be tough and strong.. which is weird because I'm OBVIOUSLY the girl. I worried that dinner wasn't going to be ready and everyone would get hungry while I was driving too and fro. I worry about making Christmas perfect for my family.  I had a straight up PANIC the other day worrying about the forgotten ice cream money. I worry about my loved ones health, the silliest little details of a medical report... which is mostly of the boring kind. (Thankfully) The whole "I'm allergic to cats and dogs" threw the oldest one for a loop, but it soooo wasn't the end of the world. I worry that the youngest will realize that with "charm + dimples" you can get a lot.. and I worry that he will use that as a teen or young adult.... ack!

    
 I worry. I love. I just do. It's how I'm built. Sometimes it would be so much easier to shut that valve off. There is a lot of grief to be had for loving people... it gives them power. The power to hurt you, the power to exasperate you, the power to worry you, the power to enrage you.. but in the end. I dunno.. I'm just guessing here... if you love them... then you care. You are. That's what it's all about. Ice cream money, and cat dander...and warm jackets... That's what love is, actually....I think, and I'm jus sayin.

That's Life...

     I'm in a Frank Sinatra mood tonight. I love him, and although there are many great artist.. no one says it quite like him. That's life.. It is. In one of my favorite songs the line goes " Each time I find myself flat on my face, I pick myself up and get back in the race" It makes me smile.
                                             http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=avU2aarQUiU
      Sometimes we don't want to.. but it's always the right choice to keep moving. Forward.  Whilst in Vegas recently, I played some slots, learned how to play craps, rode a free fall from the tallest point in Nevada, and was a good luck charm for some stranger for a while.. rolling the dice until he lost..( Sorry Angelo) But, that's life. Sometimes we win, sometimes we lose.. but as long as we keep going. Forward motion... That's life. Everything is not perfect. I laugh when people tell me that everything is perfect in their life.. They are SOOO LYING.  You and I both know that NOTHING is perfect.. but, Life, is what we make it... and that's why the line "But I don't let it , let it get me down,  'Cause this fine ol' world keeps spinning around"  makes me so happy.

        There are so many people that I know, that are quite fabulous. I don't know how I got the good fortune to know them all, but I did.. and perhaps that's just the "luck of the draw" Vegas style, if you will. So, yeah, that's life, and the whole world keeps goin around.. and most days," I pick myself up and get back in the race". I like it.. most o' the time. " It's life, and I can't deny it, many times I've thought of quitten baby, but my heart just won't buy it"  Not a bad plan overall.. because that's just life....I'm learning and, I'm jus sayin. :)

Better Nate than Lever

     There was a joke.. about a guy named Nate. His job was to watch a lever and make sure it was never pushed.(World Destruction or something)  One day a bad guy came and Nate died in defense of the lever... Long story short.. " Better Nate than Lever".. (I credit Terah Chowning Tucker for this A-mazing joke)

     I remember the day. Clearly. I remember using humor to deal with something embarrassing.. My belt fell down as I was walking to my high school class and... I laughed it off. It worked. From then on I  found I prefer to laugh then cry any day. If I can find humor I will. It can be surprising how often I find humor in my every day life.. It keeps me from being hysterical. At this point, Iv'e decided to go with it.  

     I found myself eyeball to optic nerve with a sheep's brain today coated in formaldehyde. I fought the gag reflex and could see the humor... this is where my life is. Odd though it may be. Looking at a sheep's brain. On a Tuesday. Poor sheep.. but his brain.. wow..How ludicrous. I can find it funny. I forgot my jacket in a class today. Didn't remember till I had walked to mah car. Had to go back. Walk through a class full of 50 or so kids who were learning something.. important...They looked at my funny. The professor looked at me funny. I had to to tell a particularly non-reactive 18-20 year old boy to move his sprawling legs... but I needed mah jacket. Soo... in I went . Like it was normal. I could see the humor. It was funny. They were talking about deathly important things.. and in I went. Needed mah jacket. 'Scuse me.... K.. thanks...  I find it better to not take yourself too seriously... especially me. In all the RIDICULOUS situations I put myself in on a regular basis. I thought it might decrease with age.. but nope. Still RIDICULOUS... but.. I can see the humor in it... and most days I'm okay with it...I'm Jus sayin.

Greed is Good.

I was reminded about Michael Douglas today... in that Wall Street Movie.. he said  "The point is, ladies and gentleman, that greed, for lack of a better word, is good. Greed is right, greed works. Greed clarifies, cuts through, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Greed, in all of its forms; greed for life, for money, for love, knowledge has marked the upward surge of mankind. And greed, you mark my words, will not only save Teldar Paper, but that other malfunctioning corporation called the USA. Thank you very much."

      I really don't remember that paper company, and I really don't remember that movie, but I remember the tag line. GREED IS GOOD. I think that's true. I want things. Don't you? Things out of life. Things that sometimes life gives me... (aka: five year old greeted me with "morning Cutie") and the things that life has yet to give me  "A job I'm REAALLY FuhMAZINGLY good at". I want TIME. I want ENJOYMENT. I want to know when I'm having that "I'll never have THIS again moment", so I will fully SAVOR it. I know that time is flying by me and I can't capture it. I keep getting older, my kids keep getting older and it's a helpless feeling. I have GREED.  I have it for life. I want to live. I want a picture of me on some stupid far away beach, to remind myself that I lived. Or.. on a mountain top somewhere.. (hopefully with a very competent Sherpa). Or.. a Christmas morning when the 8 yr old gets the PERFECT gift.  I want money. I like money, not gonna lie.  It buys stuff, like make-up and nails.. praise the LAWD.  I have greed for LOVE. I believe in it. Nothing is better than a hug from someone who loves you "all the way to the moon and allll the way back"  I have GREED for KNOWLEDGE. I want to know sh*t. I want to know something that someone else doesn't already know.. and use it to help people, or at the very least, have the right answer in class before someone else.... I think that movie was right. GREED is good.  GREED can work.. It can cut through all the silly stuff to the really important stuff. I want EVERYTHING. Everything that this world has to offer, I want it... and then I want some more. Because Greed is good... Just a little Michael Douglas reverb for ya Wednesday.. Jus saying. :)

Survival is overrated.

I have given it considerable thought... and I've decided that survival is over rated. While I was sitting watching an exhausting soccer practice, and trying to get a five year old to stop crying... it came to me. This is WAY ridiculous. Like WAY. I called several friends while sitting in a chair in a tiny ball complaining about life in general. Made me laugh at how many of us or SO completely OVER it. We are. Us moms are TIRED, and we are AWESOME, and we fix the most RIDICULOUS problems ever known to man. I actually found myself saying "you need to be more afraid of ME than the DARK" to a particularly stubborn child who wouldn't go upstairs the other day, and I MEANT ever word of it. Like Reallllllllly MEANT it.  I actually had to say "YOU DON"T' SWALLOW COINS!" What the heck? That's RIDICULOUS. Or how bout... "I'm gonna count to THREE and then....." I like to leave it open ended for them to interpret the threat on their own. What they may think of us is probably worse than what I can come up with anyways. Anyways, mah point being that I'm going to stop surviving. I truly think I may just be me. However that works out.  I like to laugh. I like to talk a LOT. I like to find the "happeh place". I'm not going to survive, I'm going to live. I don't exactly know how yet... but I will. Because, survival is overrated, LIVING is where it's at. Living with killer shoes? EVEN BETTER. Because that means that I wake up and don't start the car in the garage without opening the door.  There's a thought. Jus sayin.  :)

The Glad Game

     I'm trying to play the glad game. Remember the one from Pollyanna? She could always find something in a situation to be glad about, tillllll that day she fell out of the tree... then she wasn't so happeh was she? Ha! Take that Pollyanna... Anyways, I'm playing that game today. My English teacher is evil. But, I take on online course, so I don't have to meet her evilness in person. I downloaded a trojan hose on my computer.... but, it's such a crappy computer, when I start using it as a coaster, it's like I'm multitasking.  I broke my broom... soo, unfortunately I have nothing to fly away on, but.... in related news, I haven't had to sweep in like a whole WEEK. I got some new shoes, they hurt.. but they are reeeeally cute.. so.. GLAD.. see how that works? I'm getting older, but I have the coolest new facial cream. I hate October, THE beginning of winter,  but it's like the shortest month... oh wait.. nev'ermind.. it's like as long as possible.. so that one doesn't work suh much. ANYWAYS, muh point being.... I'm playing the glad game. GLAD. YaY.  I'm workin on it. Jus sayin. :)