My Perspective

I find myself sitting in my room... and listening... to all the sounds that make up my world. I can hear the steady beating of the hammer from the basement. (My husband is determined to build an entirely different house down there, and I spend my time wondering who is going to clean all this new "space" being created.) I can hear my oldest darling son... and he's talking.. to no one in particular.. about computers, and legos and occasionally he stops.. to get a breath.. and then continues.. My youngest is making sounds of silliness. Some sort of game he made up, with a full cast of imaginary characters.. and there is the sound of silly, and a touch of crazy coming from his direction tonight.. I listen and realize.. These are special days. These are Moments. The kids will eventually grow and I will eventually return to sanity (hopefully) and the Mister will finish one empire and then start on another. The boys will grow and they will be amazing.. in EVERY way. I will do my best to ruin them for whatever girls may come along. Because, afterall that's my job!

     I talk a LOT, but I find myself listening too.. there is a certain ring to a child's voice or a certain pitch in a mothers tone.. ESPECIALLY when we have been pushed too far!

Sometimes when we listen..though, we hear things. Things that are not really directed at us. but MEANT for us. (That may not make sense but go with me here) I was sitting in my favorite salon the other day.. waiting for girlie things and the sounds of hairdryers and beloved styling tools. A woman came in and asked her stylist to "Please cut my hair VERY short" Now, apparently this stylist has been with her for sometime and she reacted with " Nooooo, you have been working so hard to grow it all out" and the woman.. in a very calm still voice said " I have cancer, it's all going to fall out, I would prefer it be short when it happens."  In that moment, all the rough edges of stress for the day faded away. I didn't hear pity, but through my averted downward "OMG, I have nothing to complain about ever" stare at the floor and through my tears that come unwelcome (crying in public is sooo NOT my thing) .. I heard PERSPECTIVE.  And.. that's what I really needed to hear for the day, week, year. Happy New Year Ya'll. I hope it's the very best one yet to all whom I love and adore. :)

Love, actually

This is the season of one of my very favorite movies. "Love, Actually" Sooo... I got to thinkin...

    To love someone. To really love someone, makes you care about the dumbest things. I worried that the boys were cold yesterday, that I hadn't sent the right jackets. I worry that the boys need to be tough and strong.. which is weird because I'm OBVIOUSLY the girl. I worried that dinner wasn't going to be ready and everyone would get hungry while I was driving too and fro. I worry about making Christmas perfect for my family.  I had a straight up PANIC the other day worrying about the forgotten ice cream money. I worry about my loved ones health, the silliest little details of a medical report... which is mostly of the boring kind. (Thankfully) The whole "I'm allergic to cats and dogs" threw the oldest one for a loop, but it soooo wasn't the end of the world. I worry that the youngest will realize that with "charm + dimples" you can get a lot.. and I worry that he will use that as a teen or young adult.... ack!

    
 I worry. I love. I just do. It's how I'm built. Sometimes it would be so much easier to shut that valve off. There is a lot of grief to be had for loving people... it gives them power. The power to hurt you, the power to exasperate you, the power to worry you, the power to enrage you.. but in the end. I dunno.. I'm just guessing here... if you love them... then you care. You are. That's what it's all about. Ice cream money, and cat dander...and warm jackets... That's what love is, actually....I think, and I'm jus sayin.