Trying hard not to be creepy.

I think in funny thoughts. Things make me laugh all by myself. I talk to myself. ALL THE TIME. Sometimes my mouth ACTUALLY moves. I admit it. I have a large inner world. I was an only child and I suppose I just learned to entertain myself. I know other only children and my particular method of self entertainment seems to be rare.. almost like a malady. A disease if you will.

ANYWAYS, Most of the time, there is a serious amount of sarcasm going on in my head. Like.. put that girl on medication kind of sarcasm. And.. then, sometimes it's CREEPY quiet in here. No inspiration, no funny, no hilarious way to look at something. Just me and my head.. hanging out.. CREEPY style. I read somewheres that people get depressed on facebook because they see so many people having perfect lives. WHO HAS ONE OF THOSE? Not me, that's for CERTAIN. I'm cheerful most of the time, sure.. but OH there are DAYS. GOOD GRACIOUS!!

 So I'm here. I'm hanging on. My life isn't perfect but most days it can make me laugh. I hope someday soon.. because I need a little comedic relief. Also, I get all CREEPED out if my head is too quiet for too long. Makes me worry. Also, all the little voices keep me company. Muahhhhhhhh......CREEPY? Lil bit. Jus sayin.

                                             I'm so creepy. I just scared myself.

I survived, BARELY.

So yesterday I went into the woods and STAYED... like a camper. Because, for the first time ever.. I caved and helped take the boys camping. I was hoping that the boys would find it a magical experience full of wonder and woodsiness...and they did. YAY!!!

Um, me however.. well, I feel like CAMPING should be a rare occasion! I'm glad I did it OF COURSE.  My kids had a ball. We went with some great friends that have some of the best teenagers on the PLANET. And we CAMPED. We stayed, in WOODS, OVERNIGHT.  I must admit, I have never done such a thing.
Annnd, NOW I know ALL the reasons why:
1) I'm not outdoorsy, AT ALL.
2) I will act like I'm dying if I get too cold when I'm trying to sleep.
3) I seriously will give up the will to live around 3am if I can't feel my face.
4) I will be called out as "Hey, fancy camper" from some random dude and I will NOD AWKWARDLY because... I HAVE NO RESPONSE TO THAT.
5) If I have nothing else to do, I will just sit and EAT for HOURS.
6) I will ALWAYS need the restroom more if it's farther away. I think that's like SCIENCE or something.
7) I have an unlimited ability to kill spiders. I don't care if they are harmless or not, if they crawl by me, they will DIE.
8) If you want me to take a hike, please include something AWESOME at the end, like TWIZZLERS or unlimited PUPPIES... because if I walk in the woods for two miles, I want to be impressed and nature is probably NOT GOING TO CUT IT.
9) If I'm in a "No service" zone for too long, I start to get TWITCHY.
10) I believe in a good pillow, warm sheets, walls, bathrooms, and electricity.

Amen and Amen. JUS SAYIN.

Camping and Shenanigans and Bears Oh my....

So here's the deal. I'm NOT an outdoorsy person.  When I was a young child, I learned to shoot, play in the woods, cliff jump, and did it all while wearing camo's.  Then I realized I was a GIRL and never did any of that stuff again. That's why when "camping" is brought up to me, I find myself shuddering and in general pretty horrified. It has been explained to me that the "children" will find this experience important. It was also explained to me that I had not a single pair of suitable shoes to accomplish this mission. Well, of COURSE I DON'T... because I DON'T CAMP. THAT'S WHY. So, because I LOVE my kids and also my friends, I have decided to be a good sport. To "Camp" ... which even when I TYPE it sounds RIDICULOUS.

(my rugged boots, hat, shirt, Southern Charm glass,  and my FUHMAZING caboodle.)

Sooo... I had to go shopping, OBVIOUSLY. I had not a single thing to wear to said "camping adventure" and besides, when I find anything to horrifying in itself, if I can shop for it, it makes it better somehow. I bought the hat, the shoes, and the "rugged clothing".  I also bought a "caboodle"  that holds all the make-up etc... that is NECESSARY to LIFE.  My Southern Charm glass is a Mason jar on STILTS if you will... sooooo.....I think I'm ready. I hope I'm ready. If not, I'm out in the woods, with kids... so.... that thought is upsetting. Like SUPER upsetting. To be fair, I'm probably sleeping in the car, or maybe the nearest Motel. I'm serious. I'm a good sport, but it can be pushed to far. Let pray y'all. Jus SAYIN.

Don't Mess with Texas

Soooo... I've been waiting on my new car. Annnnnddd by waiting, I mean.. it was originally forecasted for JULY.  I have tried patience... to little avail. I have tried passive aggressiveness.... more fun, but still not really successful. I have tried kindess, adorableness, and general sweetness... also NOT successful. Then I remembered I'm a Texas girl, and we don't like to lose. Sooooo with little options left and a weary opponent... I reveal... MAYHEM.

 Yeah... this is my new plan. My husband travels a lot... and I've decided I'm keeping his car hostage until I get mine. It was a slllloooowww transition. I mean.. terrorist don't really let you KNOW what they are planning, but it was a sllllooooww... "I'll go ahead and take YOUR car to the store." and a "Why don't you just take MY car to the airport?" sort of take over.. And now?

TOTAL MAYHEM

The car is my hostage.

I explained to the husband that the youngest had eaten his breakfast on the way to school in his car.  I listened to the increase squeaky panic in his voice when I mentioned (oh so very casually) that we were coming home from getting ice cream.  I love little questions like " Dear, did you know that when Tyler stands on the elbow rest, he can TOTALLY stick his head out the window?" Or.. "Hey, your stereo used to be louder and now it's just like RATTLING... what's that about?"

I'm Evil. I'm okay with it.

I thought this would also be a REALLY good week to teach the kids to park.

Trent got the hang of it pretty quickly. I think it would have been easier if I hadn't been asking him to be "cool". I mean because that shits important.

Tyler had a harder time, but I think it's because he's only six and he couldn't see over the steering wheel. Not to worry, I'm sure those new scratches will buff out in no time.

I surely do hope this car situation can be resolved shortly. For all our sakes. Because frankly, it's just TRULY not a good idea to mess with Texas. Never ever.  Jus Sayin.

 A preview of next week ideas:

:

Oh Good Grief... Just GO WITH IT.

Apparently... and this has been pointed out to me. I get myself into odd situations. Adventures, really. They are typically pretty hard to explain. Typically pretty hard to foresee and mostly , and this is key...  mostly they happen daily.  I would be dramatic here... but I already am, so that would be a little much. My point being, I am often involved in the most RANDOM shenanigans.

Today I had to : 1) Clean, 2) Cook 3) Shop (for boring stuff like TRASH BAGS)... (which I forgot, AGAIN) 4) Care for a friends child annnd.... that was it. Simple. BORING. But SIMPLE.  Supposably. It was all a big fat LIE.

I did clean a bit. Kept the chaos from overtaking us. Then I TOTALLY forgot to drop of my childs birthday invitations.. because I'm THAT person. So I had to run to the school... and that's where everything breaks down really.

I went to the school to drop off the invitations. Apparently it was grandparents day. WHO KNEW? Not me....awesome.
I went to lunch... but then I didn't like the menu, so I had to leave the cafe, dragging my friend behind me. I don't "do" fancy and VEGETABLES. Ew.
We then went to a new place that apparently was hosting EVERY auto mechanic between here and Columbus. Interesting. But not in a good way.
I then went to Target.  I found a hat a Target. A can NOT live without it  Turkey hat. WHY? I do NOT know. Other than, if life offers you the opportunity to wear a turkey hat in the middle of the day, then you should BY GOD take that opportunity, because who KNOWS when that will happen again.
I then picked up the kids. Because I love them. Also, I'm a FANTASTIC mother. If being a FANTASTIC mother consists of remembering that you have children waiting for you on the side of the road.
I then got my friends darling kiddo... lumped her in with my other two and proceeded to finish everything that I had started earlier in the day.... and THEN... BAM. No internet.
Seriously, I'm not trying to be dramatic. But I would rather not have WATER, than no internet. Mkay, so maybe that's a tiny bit dramatic, but you get the gist.
So, ........................ I called Customer Service.

After I listend to a LOT of bad "hold music" I got to speak to "Amy". I put it in quotes because I'm VERY sure that was not her name.  Anyways. Hours later, I had a solution. My modem was a piece of sh*t. Swell. Great. Get me a new one.  Then "Amy" informed me that it would be $150... after I stopped laughing I told her NO... (That's good SHOE money right DER!) ..then I got transferred... to AMERICA. Amen.  Anyways, long story short... too LATE.. I got my modem  and I got if for free... but I had to go GET IT. In Newnan. Dumb.

Anyways, my point is. Again.. and this happens a LOT. I have no point. Other than if you are around me, you may get sucked INTO my vortex. I'm SORRY.. ahead of time. You may end up having to wear a Turkey hat. In my world, that's a bonus. Glass Half FULL...Jus Sayin.

P.S. - My apologies to Eryn Bentley for dragging her out of the cafe.
P.P.S. - My apologies to Stephanie Haasenritter if her child had to much candy. She did. I'll just go ahead and tell you.
P.S.S. - My apologies to "Amy"... when I said "MY GOD WOMAN, wouldn't it just be easier if you give me what I want now" may not have translated well. Sorry. Seriously.

P..... - My apologies to whomever went to Target to get a turkey hat. THEY ARE ALL MINE NOW. M'kay.. I'm not reaaaallly sorry about that one.

The High Road, the Back Porch, and the SHOES that come with it.

Okay, to be honest... I wrote the TITLE before the blog. Now I feel all pressured to include, being superior, the back porch, and SHOES in this blog... Let's see how it goes..

Anyways, It's been one of the days folks. Not a bad day really... just a HOT day made interesting with a little extra drama thrown in here and there for effect. I have this facebook account you see... and it gets me in trouble from time to time. I mean sometimes... people act like a fool and I feel the need to say a "tiny" little something or even a whole PARAGRAPH sometimes. My point is... it's the devil's gateway, really.  So I got this snotty ass email. The superior tone, the "air quotes" around "woman" and I thought.... Hmmm... what did I think? Yeah, Jesus loves them so I don't have to?!  Yayayayayayayayyay! Best news I've had all day.

                                  (Me all like "YAYAY, Jesus loves them so I don't have too)

But.. alas and alack... the high road calls me. I honestly don't love the high road. It's nice, but it's not as satisfying as it could be sometimes... and yet. Here I sit. Allllllll superior. I LIKE IT. I had to make a conscious decision, to 1) let it get me all upset, because I reeeeallly care what someone who I never see thinks of me, or 2) WHO CARES?... life goes on. I got real stuff to worry about...like the Sharpstown Frog population! So after CAREFUL consideration of MANY minutes.. I decided to Take the HIGH ROAD. But then, as problems present themselves on a journey, I realized. I TOTALLY need new shoes for the high road, because it's all paved and stuff, OBVIOUSLY.... and I can't be unprepared.  So then I got new shiny red high heeled shoes, and sat and the back porch and got very, very, very, smug. Turns out the high road is LOVELY this time of year. As for the "air quotes" and rudeness... (with my tongue securely in my cheek) Well, Bless their heart. Jus Sayin.

I'm blogging because I can Not SLEEPPPPPP.....

So, I'm trying to sleep. But, alas and alack.. nothing. So, in an effort not to become so desperate as to dig up  the passwords for my myspace account.. I sit. Trying to convince myself that I am TIRED. When unfortunately I know I am very much NOT tired at all. Which as you can see.. is a dilema. Obviously.
So, in an effort to entertain myself I have done the following:

1) Read up on how to work Imovie, but lost interest before I got to any of the actual "HELPFUL" information...like "RECORD"

2) Opened up my email. There are currently somewhere around 40,000 emails in there. Got overwhelmed. Put it off till tomorrow.  ( Also, if you sent me one in the last month, you should prolly just resend.Kthanks)

3) Got a message that I forgot to pay my phone bill. ( I'm thinking that has something to do with my ignoring email for a month? Wierd.)

4) Tried to fix the phone bill issue, but lost interest...patience.... whatever.. It will be there tomorrow. I think. hope. etc.

5) Realized that I can tell when I used a purse last based on the large cache of receipts and the dates I find inside.

6) Realized I have a LOT of receipts for the oddest things.

7) Is probably going to forever wonder what "Household Item 281 was, and why I spent 19.99 on it. "

8) While watching "Hoarders on TLC" I realize that I have a LOT of purses. Made a note to shove them far back in the closet. Mumble to myself that it's all "totally normal" to have that many...hide them under the shoes...which then really panics me. Ignore. Denial.  Move on.

9) Flipped my pillow like a HUNDRED times and there was never a "cold side" which is really irritating.

10)...wrote a nonsensical blog about trying to sleep when I can't... so yeah, that too. Jus Sayin.

Imma Survivor

Today I am relatively confident that I may not survive. I know I said in the title "Imma Survivor" but let's be honest... it's really the best case scenerio. The children aren't being horrible, they are just being children. The house isn't in terrible disarray but it is OBVIOUS someone besides Martha Stewart lives here. It is also obvious that I don't have a cleaning lady. I really want one of those. Anyways, I digress.

The following things disturb me:

Forgot to get the Mister a Fathers Day card because we were on vacation... turns out they only carry those at the store BEFORE Fathers Day. NOTED.

Using Tin Foil to cover up your GINORMOUS bottle of wine because you messed up the cork is a bad idea. It will make your wine taste TIN FOILISH... which turns out I can ignore, but ew still. 

Bought Bomb Pops because I used to eat them as a kid, and they looked DELICIOUS. Probably should not have eaten FOUR.

Made huge meals and meant to freeze for leftovers. FORGOT. Now I'm sure someone will want me to cook again. DAMNIT.

Ran into an open drawer AGAIN with my shin. Note to self, try and hit the other leg next so it will match....(also, probably closing more drawers would be helpful, but that seems like a lot of work)

Found out SOMEONE cancelled the HBO channels right before True Blood and Weeds premiered. It may take MONTHS to get over that one. 

Got Told I look like Jessica Simpson again today... but it was in a sad, pity voice, so pretty sure it wasn't a compliment. Note to self - STOP wearing white cowboy hat everywhere.

Went to get the FREE "delicates" at Victoria Secret... forgot coupon. Turns out, they don't just hand them out without a coupon. FACEPALM.

Came to the realization that I have no good excuse for shopping for any clothing items at all. SAD DAY.

HAS GOT to remember to send back everything that didn't fit and looked horrible back to VS before it's too late... SERIOUSLY. (Although... seriously ladies, I got the cutest nautical swim suit EVAH)

Got the bill from Banana Republic. STUFFED it behind all the other bills... will claim innocence when interrogated.  But "Free Cat" T-shirts are already in the works....

 Going to get the kiddos Chinese take-out... lucky them. Just tried to order, and I'm pretty sure we don't have any shot at ALL of getting the right food.  I really just want to lay down and forget it. I want to crawl in my bed, pull the covers over my head and quit today. I have NOT been a fan of this week and would like it to go away anytime now, and don't look now, but the kids just got out some goo named ZUBBER. Siiiigghhhhh,  Alas, Imma Survivor... so in lui of a better way to end this rambling post, I shall leave you in the capable hands of Destiny's Child.. before Beyonce left them in the dust and became super fancy...My favorite line is "Because my momma taught me better than that..." Sing it with me NOW....

Home Sweet Home

Ahhhh..... Home.

So, I'm strange. I like vacation, don't get me wrong. I love a chance to throw out the rules, eat ice cream whenever, taunt dermatologist with my irreverent skin care and in general behave with maycare.. which is what I do anyways. My point is, I don't like being away from home for to long. I miss my bed. I miss my pillow. I miss a WHOLE week of drama and gossip in the lives of people I love and whose company I enjoy. So, yes... yes. We had a lovely time, but all in all...SO GLAD to be home. Anyways,  random things I noticed.

1) Hawaii is proud of fresh food. I'm a preservative queen. The day I found a Taco Bell was a highlight.

2) I'm an excellent driver of Mustang convertibles. I also look good in one. I want a shiny red one. That is all.

3) The word for appetizer in Hawaiian is Puu Puu's... I laughed every time they asked if I wanted one. Because I'm 8.

4)The lady who had to clean our room when we left curses us. I'm very sure of it.

5) Boxed wine taste terrible...but not so terrible as not to drink it.

6) Apparently I get tipsy on two glasses of wine, when I am starving to death and leave my favorite flip floppies at the pool and some kind soul will have to return them.

7) A swedish massage is something I have never had. Now, I want one everyday... by a man named Ray. That's not weird right?

8) If you have never had a Swedish massage before, it's important to get all the rules ahead of time, or you just may panic when they ask you to FLIP over. Like REALLY panic.

9) Chickens and Roosters roam at will on Kauai. It starts to get freaky after awhile.

10) I'm like the Jeffrey Dahmer of chickens... I started to get worried that word would spread of my arrival and their would be an "Incident" aka: My unfortunate demise... DEATH BY CHICKEN. Frankly, it's not how I want to go.

11) Why on an island of 30 MILLION free range effing chickens, is not ONE of them fried up on a menu somewheres?

12) I almost starved to death. I lost five el bees on vacation. That should NEVER happen.

13) I will always hate when my hair gets wet. Always.

14) I will remember the face of the TSA woman who took away my Bumble and Bumble hairspray. Forever.

15) A hotel room with children gets REAL small after about two days.. I'm glad I chose not to jump of the balcony, but there were times it was a near thing.

16) I'm not entirely sure jet lag doesn't kill people. Or, at the very least... make them delirious.

Anyways, home. Love home. Love my peeps. Fried chicken is emminent. The Southern moon is out....(yes, it's just ours) and the children are back in their own bedrooms. Amen and Amen. Jus Sayin.

Oh muh HOLY CRAPOLA... and pass the Tylenol

     I've been preparing for THE TRIP for some time now. I have a schedule. It's like the army around here. I fuss about messes. I am cranky about clutter. It's what I do. I actually took pictures of my clean kitchen before I left the house in case SOMEONE messed it up. Yep. I'm that person. About two weeks before a trip I STRESS. I stress about activities. I stress about travel time. But... I will admit. I stress mostly about packing. What shall the boys and I wear? I'm not kidding. This is an actual thing. I make a list of the days. And I plan accordingly. AKA... Monday: outfit for day, swimming attire, swimming cover up, night time attire...which is WAY different than daytime attire... and shoes. MY GOD.. the SHOES.  I'm on a mission from CRAZYTOWN to find a pair of patent leather red high heeled sandals. I KNOW they are out there somewhere.. COME HOME TO MOMMA!

      Anyways, my point is.. I really don't have a point. I'm shopping like a loon, and making everyone clean everything they touch. Why? Because I'm an insane person CLEARLY. And no one should argue with an insane person... it leads to nowhere. And, also... WE ARE CRAZY.Which explains SO MANY of the "OMG, that girl has flipped her lid" looks I got today. Because I was in NO MOOD for crazy people... I was crazy enough for ALL of us.  Also, I just realized the outfit for the airport is going to need 5 inch heels. Woops!  I'm going to catch Hell for that, but it's all part of the process. And seriously.. the outfit is SO CUTE. Seriously. I'm Jus Sayin.

A Love letter...

I've been overwhelmed lately at the closings of so many chapters in life. Life has a way of JUST HAPPENING without my approval or consent.  In the past month I have received tons of graduation announcements and birthdays and celebrations. All marking the ending of something or the beginning of something new. I don't like change. I'm the queen of liking everything to say the exact same forever, even if... it's not practical. Even if, it makes no sense.

When I received graduation announcements for my friends CHILDREN, it hit especially hard. These little guys are all grown up. I don't know when that happened. I remember the night that Kaylee Roseanne Ivy and Katrina Anne McKennon were born. (First of all it should be noted they were named after me...jus sayin!) Kaylee was born first and she was born in the very middle of the night. I remember staying up and watching "Beaches" on VHS. If you don't know the story, it's about a woman who has to raise her best friends baby after her friend dies of cancer.  DUMBEST movie to watch EVAH when a friend is having a baby. ( I would like to take this time to thank both Tara and Stephanie for NOT dying of cancer and making me raise your children. I'm sure it would have been QUITE the fiasco) Anyways,  I remember going to sleep... near dawn, and feeling the oddest thing. It wasn't until years later I could define what it was. To me, Kaylee and Katie were the first people I ever loved, without ever having met them. I loved them completely from the day they were born.  I didn't get to be there, but I knew, I just knew... they were going to be remarkable children and they were going to have some remarkable mothers.

So, occasionally I start to tear up a lil (which I do NOT do) and I watch as this big wide door swings open for people that I love. Children that grew into teenagers and then ... when I wasn't looking... Beautiful grown women. I'm ready to watch the amazingness. I will yell loudly from the fan stands, along with your mothers. You got this. You are Perfect.  You are loved. You are going to make mistakes... but some words of advice from Aunty Cat... If you make mistakes, learn from them. If you fall, GET UP. Dance. Maybe even DANCE a lot. Actually in fact, you should ALWAYS Dance. And Be Happy. I love you , along with a host of people that can not possibly  even be counted. BE You. Whatever that is, will be perfect.

So, I put my kiddos to bed tonight.. and we chanted our ritual " I love you, I love you, I love you all the waaaay to the moon... and then darlings, I love you all the way right back."  I know it's just a matter of time before they are grown and so I sit, and glory in the fact that I have just a little while longer with them. And I hold it tight.

Soo... anyways,   I think the biggest think I hope for you, is Love. Love is actually what I think it's all about.
Just Remember :


"You've got to give a little, take a little,
and let your poor heart break a little.
That's the story of, that's the glory of love."

"You've got to laugh a little, cry a little,
until the clouds roll by a little.

That's the story of, that's the glory of love."  ...

 Go get 'em Girls. You got this.  I'm Jus Sayin.

Catitude

The other day I was driving... to somewhere VERY important I'm sure.. and there it was. An old beat up van with duct taped windows and on it was a sign that said "Catitude".  It was inscribed with tacky, faded bubble lettering and it was AWESOME.  For the thousandth time I wished I had a phone that wasn't crappy so I could've taken a picture... but alas as it drove off... I found myself at an intersection... laughing like a loon. The reality is I do believe that's what I have today. A Catitude. Why isn't that a word that is used more often?

Catitude -  1)an attitude in which all those who mind don't matter and all those matter don't mind.  2) Imma jus gonna be me.. so there. 3) To heck with it 4) An attitude occasionally accompanied by a dirty mouth.

Something about this next couple of weeks is a bit daunting to me. I realize it's not so hard when it's boiled down. One step.. then another step... and Repeat. Yet... still daunted. I think I'm going to need every bit of attitude that I have to survive it... I realize that my week compared to some is very insignificant. Simple REALLY.  I have friends dealing with all kinds of hard situations. Keeping that in mind however, A man I very much admire once said "Honey, just because that man has a broken leg, doesn't mean your splinter doesn't hurt as well". I must agree. My splinter is tough this week. I think it might be gangrene or something... terrible. Real Terrible.  But.. one step, then one more step.. and repeat...with attitude. Or Catitude as the situation calls for.

 So, I've turned the proverbial music up. I''ve rolled my hypothetical windows down. I've got the pedal to the metal people. I'm ready. Me and my Catitude. Join me won't you? It'll be fun.  Let's do this. I'm Jus Sayin.

Momma said....

I have little boys on the back porch eating popsicles. I don't know what happened to their shirts... or how they seem to lose them at the end of a warm day, but they do. So we sit, and we talk about Gumby and School and Legos.  I'm drinking wine in an effort to encompass a rather odd day in a bubble and leave it behind. And they laugh, and so do I. I mean... really.. Some days, you have to look at the silly side. 

I went to see my Dr. today. I've known him since I was eighteen. The last time I was in his office, my file broke the plastic holding thingy... I mean really. He is mine for life and wherever he goes I will follow.  As I walked in through the lobby, someone had smeared feces down the hospital hall... I though... well, sh*t... that's not a good start to my day. After I helped a mother of two carry her stroller to get past the horror, I continued on to my destination.

 Dr. D. My Doctor. My hero. I love the office staff there. Theresa , Mags, Cathy... they are a good time. They are understanding as I ALWAYS remove my shoes before weighing in. I have always recommended that the scales be in the examining room... that way we could be nekkid and not have the extra weight of clothes.  Seriously, I can't be the ONLY one to have this idea.  Anyways, my point is, it's a comfortable place.  Dr. D and I discussed the usual topics. Taxation. The fact that his mother is a Liberal and it blows his mind.  Vacations. The very cool container on his desk that says "Ashes of my Ex-Wife"..etc... We then talked about his crappy computers wich led down a bunny trail of thought until.. Dernit. I said something.. and then he started to CRY. OMG. Are you kidding me? Apparently my referral to the recent rash of robberies in our area reminded him of his families home invasion when he was a little kid. I had no idea... I was speechless, which for me.. is real terrifying. REAL.  What do you do when you accidentally send a fifty something(ish) man back to his childhood terror. In my case you say... "Well, DAMNIT Dr. D... HAPPY MONDAY!!!".... until he laughs.. because really. Of all the LUCK... 

Anyways, I shook it off. I continued with the day to my next destination.. where to? Well, the grocery store. Harmless right?  It should have been... but there were cute little teenage girls in the doorway, doing a survey.... "Ma'am would you answer a few questions for us?".. I'mma a sucker for kids..so, I agree. Thinking How bad could it really be? Turns out they had several questions about the RAPTURE. Perfect really. Depressing much? At that point, I went to pick up the kids. Went home. SHUT the door. And Prayed for nighttime. Really.. because there is a limit to what havoc one person can wreak/handle in a day. REALLY.

So as I still sit here on the back porch, even after the boys have gone inside... time to take showers and go to bed and I listen to the thunder roll and the watch the lightening flash and I think... YES. Perfection. I Survived Feces laden hallways, Crying doctors, Perky high school students... and this is how it's gonna end. Me on the back porch, getting struck by lightening... And I'm not inclined to move. I figure...after today, it may just be MY time.  Rapture indeed.  Jus SAYIN. 

Macs, Nuggets, and Ninjas...oh my..

     SIGH....Typical crazy life here today. The boys have gone NUTTY. Tyler tried to build a pool in the backyard but settled on a water slide. Every BIT of dirt in my yard, is now in the showers thanks to my darling boys. Chicken nuggets were the plan of the evening, because even though it's just one less for dinner, I didn't want to cook. Yes, I'm THAT mother.

 The boys wanted to be ninjas today.. so instead of telling them I didn't have time... I blew off everything else that needed to be done, and we played, we laughed, we smacked each other with pillows and mad ninja moves. Which translates to, stuff still to be done, baths still to be taken, beverages still to be CONSUMED.

I'm trying to figure out "Scarlett" the new computer. She is a Mac and thus completely different than anything I know. But in times like these. In day four of being on my own.. she is some lovely company. I still make her beep at the wrong times and some functions are a mystery.. but she is a darlin lady and we are going to get along just fine.

Anyways,  for some reason... today seems so much LONGER than a regular day. There are exactly the same amount of minutes today as there was yesterday. I CHECKED. And yet, I'm weary. I'm sure tomorrow everything that needs to be done will get accomplished. I'm sure that things will be studied, people will be appeased, laundry will get done. But in the meantime... I'm taking a moment to listen to the giggling little boys talking about how silly their momma is and I think there was a fart joke in there too somewheres... And, although I'm weary, and I'm overwhelmed with situations and underwhelmed with people... I am absolute in my faith that there may be no luckier momma than me. And for this lifetime, that's enough. Jus Sayin.

Perfection = PIF

    What is the definition of  Perfection? Well, sometimes it's a bottle of Mexican Coca-Cola on a Sunday afternoon. Sometimes, it's a grimy and fiercely given hug from my crazy kids. Chocolate chip mint ice cream is definitely perfect. Or, it can also be, the quiet.. I love quiet, easily as much as I love noise.I was trying to explain to a friend the other day.. that they were perfect.. and they listed flaws, that were numerous indeed... and that's when it hit me. Perfection. Is. Flaws... put together to make that someone special. PIF if you will...( what the world really needs more of is, acronyms. )


       First of all, I must say, perfection is rather hum drum. It's not interesting in the slightest, FYI.  Perfectly perfect people that always do what they are supposed to and say what they are supposed to and FEEL what they are supposed to. Oh UGH.  I find these individuals rather snooze inducing. I prefer people with a little "zing" to them. People that don't pretend and aren't afraid to be who they are?Awesome. People that incur a little wrath every now and then for who they decide to be?  Even better. I must say, I have a fondness for black sheep.... prolly because I have so much in common with them!

     What is perfection really? Boring.. that's what. I prefer imperfect people, because in ALL the flaws can only lie ALL the beauty. Leonard Cohen wrote " Nothing is perfect. There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." I suppose I like my people cracked a lil.. makes things more interesting. A little light shining in, through the cracks... makes it all the better. I'm very cracked as it turns out....I'm learning that it's going to be okay.  So, cheers to all my cracked people that I adore. I'm glad you are perfect just the way you are.. flaws and all. Perfection... it's in the eye of the beholder, I think. So I guess if I think you are perfect.. then that means I think you are cracked just a little bit.. which is what I consider to be a good thing. I'm Jus Sayin. ( And seriously... try the Mexican Coca-Cola... it will change yore life)

I know I'll probably have to see them in Heaven... deeeerrrrrnniiittt

     Okay, so I'm irritated. It's SO unfortunate but it happens from time to time.I have some people that irritate the ever loving STUFFING out of me. I have no words. Enough objects can not be thrown at their heads. They can not stub their baby toes enough. I'm talking deep down "I wanna elephant to caress you with his toes" irritation. And... I know I'm prolly going to have to see these people in heaven.. (hopefully) so here is my prayer..
     Dear Lawd, you know "so and so" and I'm real glad you love them because I must say I am NOT feeling it. To be clear, I don't hate them.. I just prefer that they breathe in a different zip code. Sooo I'm jus wondering, when you are making the housing arrangements up there, could you please make sure we live in different subdivisions and/or levels ? Because there is supposed to be no strife up there and if I have to see this PARTICULAR person every day.. for eternity.. It's BOUND to wear me DOWN, and then I'm going to plant muh foot right up their angel beeeeehind.. KThanks, Amen.. I'm Jus Sayin.

An RC cola and a Moon Pie..

     It's beautiful tonight in Georgia. Ray Charles would have been suitable impressed. The moon is out and the temperature is NOT horrifying. I have this back porch. It has comfortable furniture and a beautiful view of the moon. Seriously, John Glenn could wink at me from there and I would be able to see it. It is silent in the Sharpstown tonight. Not a lot of noise, so maybe to make up for it.. my head is busy, busy, busy... I think perhaps sometimes it's nice to take a quiet moment ( there aren't many in our house) and think...about stuff.

     I have found myself missing my aunt Kathryn lately. She wasn't my blood aunt of course, she was just someone that loved me and watched over me. She was this hilarious, funny, spunky woman, and she died when I was around ten,  I think. I wonder if she would approve of me. I think she would be mildly horrified in my taste in music. Eminem and Maroon 5 would not have been her taste.  She definitely wouldn't like my style of furniture. I remember her house and it was ALL antiques and porcelain. I hope she would find me funny. I think she would adore my boys. It's odd, but on nights like this.. Georgia nights.. when I smell the just the right smells and I hear just the right sounds, I miss her just a little bit more. She was the SOUTH to me. When I see an RC cola and a Moon Pie..I think of her. As I ponder I have concluded that this state has some magic hidden in her.. when it starts to warm, and the night falls slower. It is a beautiful thing. I am Texas born but I am Southern bred. So, I lift my glass to you Dearest Georgia.. and say...hurry Spring..please hurry...and as I do, I remember my Aunt Kathryn and I smile. RC cola and a Moon Pie indeed.  I'm  Jus Sayin.

Valentines Shmalentines...

     Okay, so I'm the odd girl when it comes to Valentines Day pomp and circumstance. I think it's a waste of my time.. I know I'm probably in the minority here.. but bottomline it's something else I have to remember to get from a store. A card. A present... sheesh.. I JUST did that in December. Now, don't get me wrong. I love to get my kiddos little fun candies and silly toys, because, frankly I like any excuse to do that. However, If my husband temporarily loses his mind and buys flowers, my default setting is irritation. They are so MUCH more expensive on the 14th than they are on the 15th.. and frankly.. if they aren't in a vase, in means I have to arrange them,.,. and I got NO flower arranging SKILLZ at all. None. It always looks like something a five year old did,.BESIDES.. I don't just want something because the calender TELLS you to get it.. I want it because you thought of it on your own. Complicated? Absolutely.. but in all fairness, I've never pretended to be anything but. Jus Sayin,

     I don't know when I realized that in a lot of ways.. I'm a guy when it comes to sentimentality and gooey acts of affection. I'm a realist. If you want to get on my good side... no flowers... rather..  how bout cleaning out the car? Or... I dunno.. call me romantic.. but fixing the printer so that when I press "print" something that I need comes out of what near as I can tell is a gigantic paper weight. Or, how bout helping me build some sort of closet organizing thingy.. my heart flutters just thinking about it... Oh. and. Shoes.. definitely shoes would be good..So, anyways.. I'm boycotting the 14th.. To me, tomorrow shall be ... MONDAY..I'm original like that.,  Valentines Shmalentines.. I'm Jus Sayin..

As Ali MacGraw says...

There is that saying from that really sad movie,.. Love means never having to say you are sorry.. I think this is a crock of crap. I have to say sorry to the people that I love all the time.. in exhausting sucession.. I have a temper. It's true.. and I try and keep it locked away in a nice little closet but I sometimes it escapes in all it's ridiculous Irish glory.. and then.. darn if it's not a mess.  I have to say sorry for other things too sometimes.. and there comes a point where you have to say it, mean it, and let it go. I wish there was an "easy" button for that somewheres.. but if there is, I have not found it. Life isn't like the movies.. (Shocking, I know) No cue the sappy music and perfectly worded and profoundly stated apologies... more is the pity. Just realism everywhere I look these days.. and that is that. Sometimes I don't just insert my foot, I add my ankle,my calf, my kneecaps.... It gets dicey ya'll. In a glass half full situation, I have never set fire to anything, or shot at anyone...Sooo...No Jail time..BONUS. But.. my point being. I hate apologies.. hate them. Which is why I never issue one unless I mean it. I did NOT apologize to the rude manager at Wal- Mart, I did not issue one to the dork who almost hit me with his vehicle the other day after I sent him the appropriate and much needed gesture. As for the woman who took the last package of Gobstopper Valentines heart candy.. I did NOT say sorry for the nasty look I acquired upon my visage. So, my point being.. having to say "sorry" sucks.. but if I say it, I mean it..  k thanks and I'm jus sayin.

Come on get Higher...

I've been thinking lately.. it may be time to admit that I'm a little teensy weensy.. High Maintenance. * Gasp* I didn't used to be. I grew up with lots of boys and games of "kick the can" and "jump off the cliff and try not to break something". I owned camo's and BB guns and dirt bikes... However, I remember a day when we were driving to church and Joel (my brothah from another mothah) rolled down the window. We live in Georgia, it was summer, it was hot, no air conditioning... and I remember thinking "OMG, my hair"..  Now, if you knew me then, It will not be entirely clear what I was worried about.. as it was, "Special" looking, but still, in that moment I knew.. I would rather suffer for the love of fashion and die of heat stroke... it was pivotal.

I noticed that I've been  slowly adding of things over the years. I admitted to myself that I was never going to grow my nails out, so I pay someone to glue fake ones on. I went to three stores last week looking for THE BRAND of hairspray that I can't live without. Obnoxious? Yes, but necessary...  ( frizzy hair is the WORST) I have special facial creams that are supposed to keep you young and radiant etc... Do they work? I have no clue but I am certainly not going to STOP using them and see what happens.. oh the HORROR.  When I went to get my hair blown out the other day, the lady asked me where I was going.. "Um, nowhere, but it was TOTALLY worth ten bucks to not have to do it myself.." Did you know that you can hire someone to GLUE eyelashes on, one by one? It's true, it's a whole complicated "tape your eyeball down, Hilteresque kind of thing".. and something new I probably can't live without.  So, after careful consideration of the facts at hand, I've decided, I'm High Maintenance.. Ladies, Come and get Higher.. it's fun and there are really cool hair products. Oh,  and I have no guilt. Guilt was for my twenties, in my thirties, this stuff is COMPLETELY necessary. I'm jus SAYIN.

An open letter...

An open letter to Winter..

Dear Winter,

    I think you should know that I am entirely over you. I find the charm of a fire and a chilly night has worn off, and I long for the days when I can go outside at night and not be in danger of losing a digit. Your required footwear is on my nerves.. I get pedicures... for WHAT?.. my toes are ensconced in socks.. and boots.. and lots of Black. I seem to bruise for NO REASON during your awful reign and my skin... my gosh.. it's so darn dry.. There isn't enough Jergens in this WORLD to make this okay...  So, I am respectfully asking you to GO AWAY.. We need to break up. I don't like you and your butt face. I don't like it when you drizzle on me. I don't like it when I have to wear jeans ALL the time. Jeans are BORING Winter.. BORING.. I tell you. I don't like it when you start blowing your freaking wind, I don't like it when you ice me in my house.I don't like the PALENESS.  I HATE needing four layers of clothing before leaving the house.. And snowing twice... REALLY? Is that ENTIRELY necessary? I live in the SOUTH Winter, you are supposed to be a mere shadow here.. a softer gentle side of what you show them northern folks. I'm a Texas girl living in Georgia.. I need warmth.. Get yourself together, have some self respect.. and know when you are wanted. You are NOT. Go 'way.. K thanks...

Sincerely,
A Southern girl who is longing for a white dress and a lounge chair.... Amen.

Randomness....and Happiness...My Thoughts..

My Kiddo

Silliness

Shoes..the higher the better

Silly pictures..

Sunglasses

Spinny things...

Sand.. at the Beach only. Moon sand is the devil.

Mornings... Sometimes :)

A good underused word thrown into a great conversation

A great conversation...

Bar B Q - The real kind.

People acting like grown ups

People knowing when to stop being so darn grown up

Music.. the good kind

Dancing..randomly.. in the car, in the kitchen, in the hallway

A good deal... on something girlie

A credit card, for when it's NOT a good deal, but it's necessary to own anyways

Meeting someone new, that I will not be able to live without. Ever.

The times I humiliate myself so completely, that it's a goofy story.. Pride is always overrated and ALWAYS boring.

A truly funny, excellent story

Bubbling fountains of laughter.. the kind that can't be contained..

Carefree moments...

Convertibles.. I used to have a red one.. I want it back.

Bubbles

Alcohol

Chocolate

Chocolate Alcohol

Chocolate Bubbling Alcohol

Make-up

Being absolutely certain that blue eyeshadow is, on ME, a tragedy

Modern eye care, for without it, I was certain to be a spinster with a hundred cats..

A well written book

A horribly written book with lots of doofy romance..

Not caring what other people think can be/is hard.. but worth it.

Love. The kind that makes no sense and makes you smile for no reason. That is all.. The end..