It t'would seem that in these long days and shorter nights, I am reminded of time. It marches on. Regardless of who we are. Our stature. Our lives. Our direction. It marches forward. We can not go back. Ever. When we look at a mistake it is always in hindsight. We don't get Xray vision into the future. More is the pity.
(I'm crying because I hated my hair AND my shoes. True Story)
(I'm happy because I liked both my hair AND my shoes. Again, true story.)
If I could go back in time, I would tell myself a TON of things... I would advise against a perm. For certian. I would make sure the blue and pink glasses didn't happen. I would rethink the blue eyeshadow, absolutely. I would choose NOT to take the quicker route and end up plunging my blue Honda over a hill. I would play volleyball more. I would DEFINITELY tell the asshole sexist preacher man to "Eat a butt" with more unction. (I'll still always be happy that I pissed him off regularly.. glass half full) I would apply myself for more than three minutes to a musical instrument. I'm making my kid do this.. he doesn't understand yet, but one day he will. I would appreciate my crazy mother more. She's crazy, but she's mine.. and she worked hard, always. I would definitely take back 18-24 yr old "I know everything attitude". That must have been exhausting to everyone around. I like the knowledge far better than I know next to NOTHING and am learning something new around every corner. I'd enjoy my youth a little more. I spent the majority of my twenties being forty.. Now, it's reversed.. harder this way around for sure!
(I hope they remember to always be silly)
When my sons talk... and talk... and talk... and TALK.. I'm reminded that I never shut up either.. that I probably handed that down to them with a host of other traits they are going to have to deal with. I hope they realize how fleeting time actually is. I hope they realize that as I sit.. and I blink with irritation at the CONSTANT chatter I hear.. that it's marching on. We have changed our conversations from Elmo and Barney to girls and computer software. I don't remember when that happened. I don't know how it happened. But... I think for me.. I'll choose to be in this time. Wherever this is. I'll lose my mind. I'll yell at the kids when they drive me bonkers. I'll MARVEL at the youngest ones ability to destroy a room and I'll MARVEL at the oldest ones ability to play minecraft. I'll be in this time. I'll enjoy it. I'll love the people I want too with a ferocity. I'll question total authority, ALWAYS. I'll NEVER get a perm EVER AGAIN. When I look back.. I hope I can say that I remember at least some of the good stuff and have forgotten most of the bad. (The youngest started an experiment in the bathroom.. I don't even know how to begin cleaning) I hope I remember my sense of humor. I hope I remember that one time I too tried an experiment with pots and toothpaste in the bathroom that went horribly wrong. I hope I'll remember to enjoy time as it marches past me. I also hope it goes just a little slower when they are asleep, because I'm tired. Jus Sayin.
(Muh boys)
