Imma Survivor

Today I am relatively confident that I may not survive. I know I said in the title "Imma Survivor" but let's be honest... it's really the best case scenerio. The children aren't being horrible, they are just being children. The house isn't in terrible disarray but it is OBVIOUS someone besides Martha Stewart lives here. It is also obvious that I don't have a cleaning lady. I really want one of those. Anyways, I digress.

The following things disturb me:

Forgot to get the Mister a Fathers Day card because we were on vacation... turns out they only carry those at the store BEFORE Fathers Day. NOTED.

Using Tin Foil to cover up your GINORMOUS bottle of wine because you messed up the cork is a bad idea. It will make your wine taste TIN FOILISH... which turns out I can ignore, but ew still. 

Bought Bomb Pops because I used to eat them as a kid, and they looked DELICIOUS. Probably should not have eaten FOUR.

Made huge meals and meant to freeze for leftovers. FORGOT. Now I'm sure someone will want me to cook again. DAMNIT.

Ran into an open drawer AGAIN with my shin. Note to self, try and hit the other leg next so it will match....(also, probably closing more drawers would be helpful, but that seems like a lot of work)

Found out SOMEONE cancelled the HBO channels right before True Blood and Weeds premiered. It may take MONTHS to get over that one. 

Got Told I look like Jessica Simpson again today... but it was in a sad, pity voice, so pretty sure it wasn't a compliment. Note to self - STOP wearing white cowboy hat everywhere.

Went to get the FREE "delicates" at Victoria Secret... forgot coupon. Turns out, they don't just hand them out without a coupon. FACEPALM.

Came to the realization that I have no good excuse for shopping for any clothing items at all. SAD DAY.

HAS GOT to remember to send back everything that didn't fit and looked horrible back to VS before it's too late... SERIOUSLY. (Although... seriously ladies, I got the cutest nautical swim suit EVAH)

Got the bill from Banana Republic. STUFFED it behind all the other bills... will claim innocence when interrogated.  But "Free Cat" T-shirts are already in the works....

 Going to get the kiddos Chinese take-out... lucky them. Just tried to order, and I'm pretty sure we don't have any shot at ALL of getting the right food.  I really just want to lay down and forget it. I want to crawl in my bed, pull the covers over my head and quit today. I have NOT been a fan of this week and would like it to go away anytime now, and don't look now, but the kids just got out some goo named ZUBBER. Siiiigghhhhh,  Alas, Imma Survivor... so in lui of a better way to end this rambling post, I shall leave you in the capable hands of Destiny's Child.. before Beyonce left them in the dust and became super fancy...My favorite line is "Because my momma taught me better than that..." Sing it with me NOW....

Home Sweet Home

Ahhhh..... Home.

So, I'm strange. I like vacation, don't get me wrong. I love a chance to throw out the rules, eat ice cream whenever, taunt dermatologist with my irreverent skin care and in general behave with maycare.. which is what I do anyways. My point is, I don't like being away from home for to long. I miss my bed. I miss my pillow. I miss a WHOLE week of drama and gossip in the lives of people I love and whose company I enjoy. So, yes... yes. We had a lovely time, but all in all...SO GLAD to be home. Anyways,  random things I noticed.

1) Hawaii is proud of fresh food. I'm a preservative queen. The day I found a Taco Bell was a highlight.

2) I'm an excellent driver of Mustang convertibles. I also look good in one. I want a shiny red one. That is all.

3) The word for appetizer in Hawaiian is Puu Puu's... I laughed every time they asked if I wanted one. Because I'm 8.

4)The lady who had to clean our room when we left curses us. I'm very sure of it.

5) Boxed wine taste terrible...but not so terrible as not to drink it.

6) Apparently I get tipsy on two glasses of wine, when I am starving to death and leave my favorite flip floppies at the pool and some kind soul will have to return them.

7) A swedish massage is something I have never had. Now, I want one everyday... by a man named Ray. That's not weird right?

8) If you have never had a Swedish massage before, it's important to get all the rules ahead of time, or you just may panic when they ask you to FLIP over. Like REALLY panic.

9) Chickens and Roosters roam at will on Kauai. It starts to get freaky after awhile.

10) I'm like the Jeffrey Dahmer of chickens... I started to get worried that word would spread of my arrival and their would be an "Incident" aka: My unfortunate demise... DEATH BY CHICKEN. Frankly, it's not how I want to go.

11) Why on an island of 30 MILLION free range effing chickens, is not ONE of them fried up on a menu somewheres?

12) I almost starved to death. I lost five el bees on vacation. That should NEVER happen.

13) I will always hate when my hair gets wet. Always.

14) I will remember the face of the TSA woman who took away my Bumble and Bumble hairspray. Forever.

15) A hotel room with children gets REAL small after about two days.. I'm glad I chose not to jump of the balcony, but there were times it was a near thing.

16) I'm not entirely sure jet lag doesn't kill people. Or, at the very least... make them delirious.

Anyways, home. Love home. Love my peeps. Fried chicken is emminent. The Southern moon is out....(yes, it's just ours) and the children are back in their own bedrooms. Amen and Amen. Jus Sayin.

Oh muh HOLY CRAPOLA... and pass the Tylenol

     I've been preparing for THE TRIP for some time now. I have a schedule. It's like the army around here. I fuss about messes. I am cranky about clutter. It's what I do. I actually took pictures of my clean kitchen before I left the house in case SOMEONE messed it up. Yep. I'm that person. About two weeks before a trip I STRESS. I stress about activities. I stress about travel time. But... I will admit. I stress mostly about packing. What shall the boys and I wear? I'm not kidding. This is an actual thing. I make a list of the days. And I plan accordingly. AKA... Monday: outfit for day, swimming attire, swimming cover up, night time attire...which is WAY different than daytime attire... and shoes. MY GOD.. the SHOES.  I'm on a mission from CRAZYTOWN to find a pair of patent leather red high heeled sandals. I KNOW they are out there somewhere.. COME HOME TO MOMMA!

      Anyways, my point is.. I really don't have a point. I'm shopping like a loon, and making everyone clean everything they touch. Why? Because I'm an insane person CLEARLY. And no one should argue with an insane person... it leads to nowhere. And, also... WE ARE CRAZY.Which explains SO MANY of the "OMG, that girl has flipped her lid" looks I got today. Because I was in NO MOOD for crazy people... I was crazy enough for ALL of us.  Also, I just realized the outfit for the airport is going to need 5 inch heels. Woops!  I'm going to catch Hell for that, but it's all part of the process. And seriously.. the outfit is SO CUTE. Seriously. I'm Jus Sayin.