Sunday, October 30, 2011

Trying hard not to be creepy.

I think in funny thoughts. Things make me laugh all by myself. I talk to myself. ALL THE TIME. Sometimes my mouth ACTUALLY moves. I admit it. I have a large inner world. I was an only child and I suppose I just learned to entertain myself. I know other only children and my particular method of self entertainment seems to be rare.. almost like a malady. A disease if you will.

ANYWAYS, Most of the time, there is a serious amount of sarcasm going on in my head. Like.. put that girl on medication kind of sarcasm. And.. then, sometimes it's CREEPY quiet in here. No inspiration, no funny, no hilarious way to look at something. Just me and my head.. hanging out.. CREEPY style. I read somewheres that people get depressed on facebook because they see so many people having perfect lives. WHO HAS ONE OF THOSE? Not me, that's for CERTAIN. I'm cheerful most of the time, sure.. but OH there are DAYS. GOOD GRACIOUS!!

 So I'm here. I'm hanging on. My life isn't perfect but most days it can make me laugh. I hope someday soon.. because I need a little comedic relief. Also, I get all CREEPED out if my head is too quiet for too long. Makes me worry. Also, all the little voices keep me company. Muahhhhhhhh......CREEPY? Lil bit. Jus sayin.
                                             I'm so creepy. I just scared myself.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

I survived, BARELY.

So yesterday I went into the woods and STAYED... like a camper. Because, for the first time ever.. I caved and helped take the boys camping. I was hoping that the boys would find it a magical experience full of wonder and woodsiness...and they did. YAY!!!
Um, me however.. well, I feel like CAMPING should be a rare occasion! I'm glad I did it OF COURSE.  My kids had a ball. We went with some great friends that have some of the best teenagers on the PLANET. And we CAMPED. We stayed, in WOODS, OVERNIGHT.  I must admit, I have never done such a thing.
Annnd, NOW I know ALL the reasons why:
1) I'm not outdoorsy, AT ALL.
2) I will act like I'm dying if I get too cold when I'm trying to sleep.
3) I seriously will give up the will to live around 3am if I can't feel my face.
4) I will be called out as "Hey, fancy camper" from some random dude and I will NOD AWKWARDLY because... I HAVE NO RESPONSE TO THAT.
5) If I have nothing else to do, I will just sit and EAT for HOURS.
6) I will ALWAYS need the restroom more if it's farther away. I think that's like SCIENCE or something.
7) I have an unlimited ability to kill spiders. I don't care if they are harmless or not, if they crawl by me, they will DIE.
8) If you want me to take a hike, please include something AWESOME at the end, like TWIZZLERS or unlimited PUPPIES... because if I walk in the woods for two miles, I want to be impressed and nature is probably NOT GOING TO CUT IT.
9) If I'm in a "No service" zone for too long, I start to get TWITCHY.
10) I believe in a good pillow, warm sheets, walls, bathrooms, and electricity.
Amen and Amen. JUS SAYIN.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Camping and Shenanigans and Bears Oh my....

So here's the deal. I'm NOT an outdoorsy person.  When I was a young child, I learned to shoot, play in the woods, cliff jump, and did it all while wearing camo's.  Then I realized I was a GIRL and never did any of that stuff again. That's why when "camping" is brought up to me, I find myself shuddering and in general pretty horrified. It has been explained to me that the "children" will find this experience important. It was also explained to me that I had not a single pair of suitable shoes to accomplish this mission. Well, of COURSE I DON'T... because I DON'T CAMP. THAT'S WHY. So, because I LOVE my kids and also my friends, I have decided to be a good sport. To "Camp" ... which even when I TYPE it sounds RIDICULOUS.

(my rugged boots, hat, shirt, Southern Charm glass,  and my FUHMAZING caboodle.)

Sooo... I had to go shopping, OBVIOUSLY. I had not a single thing to wear to said "camping adventure" and besides, when I find anything to horrifying in itself, if I can shop for it, it makes it better somehow. I bought the hat, the shoes, and the "rugged clothing".  I also bought a "caboodle"  that holds all the make-up etc... that is NECESSARY to LIFE.  My Southern Charm glass is a Mason jar on STILTS if you will... sooooo.....I think I'm ready. I hope I'm ready. If not, I'm out in the woods, with kids... so.... that thought is upsetting. Like SUPER upsetting. To be fair, I'm probably sleeping in the car, or maybe the nearest Motel. I'm serious. I'm a good sport, but it can be pushed to far. Let pray y'all. Jus SAYIN.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Don't Mess with Texas

Soooo... I've been waiting on my new car. Annnnnddd by waiting, I mean.. it was originally forecasted for JULY.  I have tried patience... to little avail. I have tried passive aggressiveness.... more fun, but still not really successful. I have tried kindess, adorableness, and general sweetness... also NOT successful. Then I remembered I'm a Texas girl, and we don't like to lose. Sooooo with little options left and a weary opponent... I reveal... MAYHEM.

 Yeah... this is my new plan. My husband travels a lot... and I've decided I'm keeping his car hostage until I get mine. It was a slllloooowww transition. I mean.. terrorist don't really let you KNOW what they are planning, but it was a sllllooooww... "I'll go ahead and take YOUR car to the store." and a "Why don't you just take MY car to the airport?" sort of take over.. And now?


TOTAL MAYHEM

The car is my hostage.

I explained to the husband that the youngest had eaten his breakfast on the way to school in his car.  I listened to the increase squeaky panic in his voice when I mentioned (oh so very casually) that we were coming home from getting ice cream.  I love little questions like " Dear, did you know that when Tyler stands on the elbow rest, he can TOTALLY stick his head out the window?" Or.. "Hey, your stereo used to be louder and now it's just like RATTLING... what's that about?"



I'm Evil. I'm okay with it.

I thought this would also be a REALLY good week to teach the kids to park.


Trent got the hang of it pretty quickly. I think it would have been easier if I hadn't been asking him to be "cool". I mean because that shits important.


Tyler had a harder time, but I think it's because he's only six and he couldn't see over the steering wheel. Not to worry, I'm sure those new scratches will buff out in no time.

I surely do hope this car situation can be resolved shortly. For all our sakes. Because frankly, it's just TRULY not a good idea to mess with Texas. Never ever.  Jus Sayin.

 A preview of next week ideas:

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